


You take what is unbearable and you bear it. That is all.

by highwhorelock



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:31:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highwhorelock/pseuds/highwhorelock





	You take what is unbearable and you bear it. That is all.

Most days were bearable. Others seem to just pass by cruelly. One minute the sun was just rising on the horizon, the next it was waving goodbye and this was his vicious cycle, reminding him of the time slipping through his fingers like sand.  
Alec didn’t seem to notice. He was still all smiles around him, the lines and wrinkles on his face a voice of time they had spent together. It was always hard during the night when he would suddenly wake up only to cough up blood, Magnus’s hands steadying his frame whenever Alec would threaten to topple down. It was nothing, Alec had said to him. Until that nothing started to eat him up.

 

The Silent Brothers did all they could. Alec was too weak and they gave him a day or two at most.

 

And so he called everyone and everyone came.

 

Their sons, Max and Raphael, were there, a small bundle of joy in Raphael’s arms; their third grandchild. Max was with his boyfriend, this Branwell fellow. Magnus’s family. Isabelle, sitting up straight and beautiful as ever even with her hair streaked with white, was there along with her children, a fine generation of Shadowhunters with the same quirks as Simon had once been. Clary, his biscuit, now a wise woman and Consul, was also present, children and grandchildren with blond and gingers heads littering the room. Jace was with Alec for an hour now, Magnus not daring to interrupt. Parabatai is a great deal and the warlock had seen pairs being separated by death before. It wasn’t an easy sight.

They all talked about him that day. Stories about Alec; how Dad would sometimes need help with the computer and in the end he’d ask Papa’s help with magic, seeing Uncle Alec in battle with dad and how they seem to know each other’s moves, Uncle Alec always hitting Daddy Jace whenever daddy said something stupid, Grandpa always ready to play with her with the doll house Daddy Raph put together. Each story made Magnus smile but at the same time it felt like a hand was crushing his heart.

They entered his room one by one, saying their goodbyes, a kiss here and there, tears threatening to spill but Alec would do his best to glare at anyone who dared and they would all just choke back their tears with a small laugh. It was agonizing to watch.

 

And then it was just the two of them.

 

He was sitting up, stubborn as ever, despite how Magnus would always fuss about him doing that. “What have I told you?” It was hard to scold him now. He looked so fragile, a thin frame in white sheets, chest rising and falling as if the mere action took immense effort. Those blue eyes held his gaze again, a faint smile painting his lips, and suddenly he was falling in love with him all over again, maybe for the last time. “Would I get an extra hour of my life if I lie down?”

 

Magnus did not laugh.

 

“Come here, please.” He crossed the room in a few strides and noticed that Alec left room for him there. Without a word, he climbed onto the bed that smelled of him; sandalwood, soap, and heart break. For a moment he saw the bed as a vessel, taking away Alec from him. Maybe if he didn’t leave, he’d take him with him. They stared at each other for a few good moments, not sparing a single detail of each other. Magnus still looked the same, in his late twenties, immortality capturing him in that state. Alec looked old enough to be his father and anyone who didn’t know them would deem them an awful pair. But it was just them. Alec and Magnus, Magnus and Alec. There was only love and unspoken words and an infinite wish of more time.

He didn’t cry. He didn’t want to. The last thing Alec deserved to see is him crying but there was no hiding the agony in his eyes. Alec was too good at seeing right through him. “I hate doing this to you.” As if you have a choice, Magnus thought, hand on top of the man’s. His fingers absently traced the blue veins that mapped his wrist until his fingers rested there, feeling the pulse. “Don’t speak of hate. I’ll be fine.” Magnus didn’t want to talk either, afraid that his voice might crack and betray him. They just stared at each other again, each time he did those blue eyes, still bright despite the age, drowned him and Magnus didn’t mind.  
We are dust and shadows, they said. It made Magnus bit his lip hard to think of someone who brought so much light be turned to dust and shadows.

“I love you, Magnus.” He was holding him in his arms when he said the words, faint as if Alec was dreaming. His eyes were already close and maybe he was. He only hoped his dream was kind to him. “Aku cinta kamu.” The words left him in a breath, throat closing and his eyes stinging. Please don’t go.

 

One breath… two… and three…

 

And then he didn’t breathe.

 

You take what is unbearable and you bear it. That is all.

 

He was still holding him, cradling him like he was just asleep. The flowers on the bedside table were as blue as his eyes. They seemed to just mock him now.


End file.
